我的2024年回顧｜A Reflective Journey Through 2024

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我的2024年，是個百感交集的一年。

如果要為這一年下關鍵字，我會說它是「生存」的年份，危機感十足，每天睜眼都是努力撐著把一天過完，日日期盼著2025年的到來會帶來新的契機。

這一年裡，我經歷了工作的嚴峻挑戰，經歷家人的健康亮起紅燈，經歷感情的跌宕起伏，經歷各種自我懷疑、自我拆解再重新建立的過程。生活中充滿了各種的不確定性，沒有一件事可以100%篤定。我不知道我的下一步在哪裡，也不確定是否會繼續留在新加坡，更無法確信感情是否能繼續走下去。一切的未知與變化，讓身處其中的我感到煎熬不已。

雖在2024年的結尾雖面臨了一番高潮迭起，但慶幸結局還不算太差，讓我對2025年仍然充滿了期待與感謝。

回首2024年：

January 2024

長假結束回到公司，都還沒完全收心，就聽到中國因為大環境不好，加上公司策略調整，直接裁掉了和我合作慎密的Business Development Team一半的同事。

February 2024

公司策略持續調整，Business Development Team在農曆春節前，剩下一半的人也全被裁掉。

March 2024

中國及香港市場未見復甦，原訂的投資目標直接取消，集團宣布從買進轉為保守甚至出售資產的策略，為我們投資部門帶來滿滿的不確定性。

我們部門第一位同事離職。

April 2024

大環境低迷，加上公司組織重整，辛苦且期待一整年的Bonus硬生生地被大幅削減。

May 2024

原本的Group CEO閃辭，新的Group CEO上任，另一波的公司重整及異動，持續裁員的風聲甚囂塵上。

原本月底剛從峇里島回來，心境上有了比較正面的轉念，卻得知母親診斷出肺腺癌的消息，慶幸最後檢查結果是初期，只要定期追蹤沒惡化的話都還算可控，但也讓我的心情仿若乘坐雲霄飛車，當檢查結果還未出爐時，各種情境都已在腦海裡輪番上演一遍（要是情況真的很不好的話，是不是真的要行李收一收，立刻馬上回台灣？）真的好險老天保佑，讓我還不至於要面對這樣棘手的情況，但我腦海中也種下了擔憂的因子，要是未來真的有一天無法預期的狀況發生了，我必須要想好我的下一步。

June 2024

我們Team另外一位同事受不了公司不穩定的狀況而離開。他的離開一則以喜一則以憂，因為被裁員的機率降低了（有種生存遊戲的概念），加上他較不擅長處理情緒，時不時讓Team陷入尷尬的氛圍，他的離開讓我感到情緒壓力降低許多，但迎面而來的就是人手不足而產生的忙碌。

July – August 2024

由於兩位同事離開，加上新官上任三把火，工作突然撲天蓋地的席捲而來，deadline又都是十萬火急的那種，忙碌到不行的兩個月份。
裁員持續進行中，公司氛圍詭譎而壓抑。

September 2024

Fundraising進行的不順利，等於斷了我們投資部門的銀根，擔心被裁員的情緒再度湧上，每天擔心拿著簽證的自己的存亡問題，不知道自己下一步在哪裡。

October 2024

再一位部門同事決定離開，適逢年底進行年度計畫擘畫的階段，少了一位同事讓情況更加雪上加霜。
此外，除了公司的持續裁員，許多同事也因不堪壓力而相繼離職，幾位跟我比較要好的同事都紛紛離開了，讓我倍感難過與失落。也想離職的我，去了當地人一致說靈驗的四馬路觀音廟尋求指引，卻抽到了一隻下下籤，感覺挨了一記狠狠的當頭棒喝。

月底，無預警斷崖式分手三小時（雖然馬上又說開合好了），但讓我本來就已經備感壓力的情緒又更增添一抹烏雲。

November 2024

和姊妹早早就策畫的韓國單身派對，硬生生和公司最忙碌的時期碰撞在一起。出國前每天都忙碌到不行，就是希望至少可以在旅行前把所有事情告一段落，但是因為三位同事離職，部門人手嚴重不足，在韓國期間還是得擠出時間工作，當朋友在我身邊喝酒，或是還在睡覺時，我必須爬起來抓緊空擋時間工作。很難過跟姊妹一年一度的旅行，卻沒辦法盡情享受，現在人在新加坡，每次和朋友的相聚對我來說都是很難得的機會，難過休假還是沒辦法好好享受當下。

出國前，老闆說「下次妳就知道不能在11月請假了」，也讓我對公司瞬間心寒，去年人力是現在的兩倍，請假的時候也預料不到會有這樣的變化呀…

另外，在韓國的時候，收到一位要好的同事被裁員的消息，讓我瞬間度假心情盡失，難過的心情都不知道該怎麼宣洩，也再度擔心起自己去留的問題，頓時都失去了花錢的心情。

December 2024

聖誕節封關前，忙碌達到最高峰，好幾天都忙到凌晨，又聽聞另一位部門同事即將要離開（年初部門還有七人現在只剩三人，等於一人做兩人份工作），身體的疲憊加上心靈的煎熬達到最高峰。

同時感情持續磨合中，再度進入冷靜期。各種複雜情緒交纏在一起，真是達到了年度之最。

然而，殊不知年底最後幾天峰迴路轉，我們仍然牽著彼此的手，一起跨越了2024年，迎接2025年的到來。

回首這一年，只想好好痛哭一場，告訴自己2024年終於結束了，好好休息一下，接下來的2025年我們再繼續努力。

隻身拿著工作簽證在異國，碰上天時地利不人和，每天面臨的都是存亡交關的壓力。這樣的壓力，真的是我在來之前始料未及。後來轉念想想，沒有什麼是不能失去的，若是已經盡全力努力過，相信老天肯定自有他的安排，塞翁失馬誰知是福是禍？當有了這樣的認知後，雖然還是對於下一步感到茫然，但似乎也沒有那麼害怕了。

2025年，老天選擇讓我繼續留在新加坡，相信也已安排了場全新的冒險在等著我。

回頭一看，也發現2024年的我成長了好多，雖然各種十萬火急地情境讓我被逼著趕鴨子上架，但也因此讓我得以擺脫過去既有的一些陋習及框架，被推著快速的成長。

這一年，感謝家人朋友的幫忙與支持，人在異鄉，朋友真的很重要，好多次都是朋友溫暖的問候讓我又量繼續支撐下去的力量。

人最害怕的，往往就是對於失去的不安，事業也好，感情也罷。

「如果要離開這份工作，如果要離開新坡，我的下一步在哪裡？我能找到其他的工作嗎？」
「如果要家人的病情有變化，我該怎麼辦？我要回台灣嗎？但當時就是因為覺得在台灣沒有適合的工作才來到新加坡的。」
「失去了這個對象，我還能再遇到其他更好的對象嗎？我害怕在異地又變回自己一個人，我不想要自己一個人。」

問我如何面對這些恐懼，我只能說冥想仍然給了我很多的力量。

當我在心裡正視這些害怕、擔憂、不安全感，感受這些情緒在心中慢慢地流動，不要去評斷好與壞，那些不適感與恐懼的感覺，似乎也慢慢的平息下來，從一開始惴惴不安的渾身顫慄，到後來慢慢的再度感受到平靜，我也覺得好神奇。雖然想到難過的事情仍然會有情緒，但一次次的練習之後，似乎漸漸沒有原來那麼害怕了，我感受內心深處好像慢慢湧現出一股力量，並深信不論在何種狀況下，我都有能力可以好好照顧自己。

2025──我準備好了，今年也請多多指教。

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As I look back on 2024, it feels like a whirlwind of emotions—bittersweet, challenging, and transformative.

If I had to choose one word to encapsulate this year, it would be “survival”. Each day was a test of endurance, filled with a sense of urgency to simply make it through to the next. I clung to the hope that 2025 would bring fresh opportunities and a sense of renewal.

This year, I faced significant challenges at work, grappled with a family health scare, navigated emotional highs and lows in my relationship, and endured periods of self-doubt, deconstruction, and eventual rebuilding. Life was riddled with uncertainties; not a single aspect felt stable or assured. I had no clear vision of my next step—whether I’d stay in Singapore or where my relationship was heading. The sheer unpredictability was excruciating.

Yet, as the year drew to a close, though marked by its share of dramatic twists and turns, I found myself grateful for a conclusion that wasn’t as bleak as it could have been. It left me with hope and gratitude for 2025.

A Glimpse Into 2024:

January 2024

Returning to work after the holiday break, I was greeted by disheartening news. Amid economic headwinds and strategic restructuring, half of the Business Development Team I closely collaborated with in China was laid off.

February 2024

The remaining half of the team was let go just before the Lunar New Year.

March 2024

With no recovery in sight for the China and Hong Kong markets, planned investments were shelved. The company pivoted towards a conservative strategy, focusing on asset sales rather than acquisitions, which cast a shadow of uncertainty over the investment department.

Our team saw its first departure.

April 2024

A dismal economic outlook and organisational restructuring resulted in a much-anticipated bonus being significantly slashed.

May 2024

Our Group CEO resigned abruptly, and the incoming CEO initiated another wave of restructuring. Amid rumours of further layoffs, I returned from a transformative trip to Bali, only to be hit with devastating news—my mother was diagnosed with early-stage lung adenocarcinoma. Thankfully, the prognosis was favourable, with regular monitoring deemed sufficient. Nevertheless, the emotional toll was immense, with worst-case scenarios playing out in my mind before the final diagnosis.

June 2024

Another colleague left the team, which eased my worries about redundancy but intensified our workload. While his departure alleviated some interpersonal tensions, the strain of being short-staffed quickly took its place.

July – August 2024

With fewer team members and a newly appointed CEO setting aggressive targets, work became a deluge of urgent deadlines. The office atmosphere grew increasingly oppressive amidst ongoing layoffs.

September 2024

Fundraising efforts faltered, leaving the investment team without financial backing. The looming fear of redundancy resurfaced, and I wrestled daily with the uncertainty of my visa status and my future in Singapore.

October 2024

Another team member departed during the critical annual planning phase, compounding our challenges. Adding to the emotional weight, several close colleagues also left the company, leaving me feeling both sorrowful and adrift. Seeking solace, I visited the renowned Kwan Im Thong Hood Cho Temple, only to receive an ominous fortune stick.

Later in the month, an unexpected and intense argument led to a brief breakup, which, though resolved, left me emotionally drained.

November 2024

A long-anticipated girls’ trip to Korea clashed with the busiest period at work. Despite working tirelessly beforehand, I still found myself logging in during the trip. Watching my friends enjoy carefree moments while I juggled work was disheartening.

To compound matters, my boss remarked, “Now you’ll know not to take leave in November.” The comment stung deeply, highlighting how unpredictable the year’s challenges had been.

Adding to the emotional strain, I learned during the trip that a closed colleague had been made redundant. The news left me grappling with feelings of despair.

December 2024

As the year closed, work reached a fever pitch, with days stretching into the early hours. Another colleague announced their departure, leaving our team reduced from seven to just three. Physical exhaustion and emotional turmoil reached their peak.

Meanwhile, my relationship continued to face its trials, adding a complex layer to an already challenging year.

Despite everything, we held onto each other through the storm, crossing the threshold of 2024 together.

Looking back, I feel an overwhelming urge to cry—to release the tension of this tumultuous year. Yet, I remind myself that 2024 has ended, and it’s time to rest and prepare for the challenges and opportunities that 2025 will bring.

Living abroad on a work visa amid an unfavourable economy, I’ve faced pressures I never anticipated. However, I’ve come to realise that nothing is truly irreplaceable. If I’ve done my utmost, I trust that fate will have its own plans. The losses of today might pave the way for tomorrow’s blessings.

As 2025 unfolds, I trust that life in Singapore will bring new adventures. I’m grateful for the unwavering support of my family and friends. In a foreign land, their warmth has often been my lifeline, reminding me that I am not alone.

Thinking back on 2024, I realise how much I’ve grown throughout the year. Although the relentless urgency of various situations often left me scrambling to adapt, it also forced me to break free from some of my old habits and limitations, propelling me towards rapid growth.

The fear of loss—be it in career, relationships, or health—often looms large.

“If I have to leave this job, if I have to leave Singapore, what will my next step be? Will I be able to find another job?”
“If my family member’s health takes a turn for the worse, what should I do? Should I return to Taiwan? But I originally left Taiwan because I couldn’t find suitable work there.”
“If I lose this partner, will I ever meet someone better? I’m so afraid of being alone again in a foreign land. I don’t want to be by myself.”

When asked how I face these fears, I can only say that meditation has continued to be a profound source of strength for me.

When I confront these feelings of fear, worry, and insecurity in my heart and allow them to flow through me without judgement—neither labelling them as good nor bad—the discomfort and sense of fear seem to gradually subside. The initial trembling unease transforms into a gentle calm, and I find it truly remarkable. Although I still feel emotional when recalling painful moments, with repeated practice, I seem to be less afraid than before. I sense a quiet strength emerging from deep within, and I trust that, regardless of the circumstances, I will always be able to care for myself.

As 2025 begins, I’m ready to embrace whatever lies ahead. Here’s to a new chapter filled with hope, growth, and resilience.