瑜伽和正念如何帶領我來到新加坡？｜How Yoga and Mindfulness Guided My Journey to Singapore?

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2022年8月，我離開台灣熟悉的一切，搬到了新加坡，重新開始。

移居新加坡，最初只是個模糊的念頭，當時屆臨碩士畢業在即，在思考離開英國的下一步的時候，曾經想過新加坡可能比較有未來發展的潛力，但並沒有真的想過有一天會成真。後來回到台灣工作一陣子後，再次面臨職涯發展的困境，這時新加坡又再度浮現在我的腦海中。而除了上述嚴肅正經的原因外，其實還有個最大的驅動力，就是愛情。

和當時的對象是台新遠距離，無奈2020年伊始，Covid-19就開始在全球肆虐，亟度仰賴國際人才和觀光人流的新加坡，因著國境封鎖，經濟受到嚴重的打擊，面臨本地人失業率逐漸攀升的情形下，新加坡政府在當時選擇凍結了外國工作者的簽證發放。即便我傾盡全力尋找新加坡的工作機會，最後只換來諸多的無聲卡與拒絕信，而當時的感情，在這樣始終看不見重逢希望的無盡等待中，也漸漸的越趨安靜。

當時的我相當匱乏，除了感覺職涯被綁在台灣看不見未來 (產業之故，我的工作機會在台灣是相對難找的)，感情方面，則是因為邊境封鎖看似完全沒有鬆綁的一天，每日的防疫記者會總是一再上演期待到失望的過程。可以說是面臨一個工作和愛情都不得志的階段，加上疫情的未知讓人充滿不確定感與恐懼，每天都被負能量籠罩，覺得自己的人生卡在一個看不見出口的黑暗洞穴。

那時的我甚至加入了「Love is not Tourism」的社團取暖，那是一個台灣人與各國遠距伴侶成立的社團，主要訴求是想表達愛情並非純粹的觀光行為，希望政府可以循歐美先例，開放伴侶簽證讓異國戀人們可以不用再忍受無盡的相思之苦 (但一段時間後我就退出了，因為每次防疫記者會宣布繼續封鎖國境的時候，裡面的集體負能量實在強大到要將人淹沒)。當時還有很荒謬的想法，覺得如果我這輩子都因此而單身，就是國家耽誤了我的幸福。很荒謬但是就可以知道當時的我負能量有多強，現在看過去的自己簡直就像個怨婦。

日夜期盼，終於盼來2021年底開放國人出境，但回國必須要於防疫旅館進行兩週的隔離。我存了一筆旅遊及防疫旅館的費用，想趁著春節連假飛去新加坡，來個感人的久違重逢。殊不知在長達兩年沒見面後，這段感情基本上可以說是已經蕩然無存，失望之餘，我決定拿這筆錢去上我心心念念很久的RYT200師資培訓 ，僅僅兩天的時間，我就決定報名了Ashish的師資培訓，10萬多塊就這樣心一橫付了出去(Ashish師資培訓出現的機會也很離奇，之後有機會再跟大家分享)。

在同一段時間，我經歷了一個讓我打擊很大的面試，讓我覺得我根本不可能到新加坡工作，就算我努力了再久，我的英文就是這麼糟糕，被問到沒有事先準備過的問題，身為非英語母語人士的我，就是注定答的一塌糊塗。受到嚴重打擊的我，放棄了來前往新加坡工作的念頭。

於是在身心俱疲的狀況下，我開始了我的RYT200師資培訓。

還記得當Ashish講授瑜伽哲學時，提到「瑜伽就是學會控制自己的心緒。慾望和不滿足等等的執著，就是痛苦的根源，當我們對於想要的事求而不得，內心就會產生客種憤怒與怨懟。只有學會放下執著，在自己能掌控的範圍把事情做好，才能收穫內心的一方平靜，從容有智慧的面對人生的各種不可預測。」

聽到這段話的我，雙眼馬上濕成一片，若不是極力忍住，我應該當場就直接淚如雨下。

當時的我，想要努力抓住這段感情，想要立刻馬上擁有一個新加坡的工作機會，想要馬上離開在台灣的現職，但如此強烈的執念，在數度求而不得的情況下，讓我陷入了相當痛苦的狀態，滿腦子都被負面的想法籠罩，覺得為什麼就只有我的世界一團糟。直到聽到了Ashish老師的開示，才終於在我的心中照進了一道光，感覺我我的痛苦終於找到根源與出口，開始用完全不同的思維及態度去面對我的生活。

兩個月的200小時培訓轉瞬即逝，我感覺我像是又重新找回了自己，再度專注於自己喜歡的事物，每天開心的投入我的瑜伽練習，也開始了瑜伽的教學之路。我感覺我變得柔軟許多，不再像之前那樣暴躁易怒，改變之大甚至連許多身邊的朋友都有覺察，覺得我整個人在上完培訓後都重新亮了起來，和之前那段失衡的我相比，簡直判若兩人。

度過了一段開心且全然沈浸在瑜伽的日子後，2022年5月，我的WhatsApp突然收到了一則陌生的訊息，是一名來自新加坡的headhunter，詢問我是否還有意願前去新加坡工作。

當時的我，想說應該是詐騙吧，自從年底那個讓我大受打擊的面試後，我就已經沒有再打開新加坡的求職網站主動投遞過履歷了，怎麼會過了這麼久還有人主動要提供我工作機會？加上那時的我剛好得到Covid-19，因著身體不適，一開始對headhunter的訊息也要回不回。但沒想到，這次的我，居然真的順利通過了三輪的面試，並且拿到了這份offer。之前雖然經歷過無數的失敗，但至少每次的機會我都卯足全力的準備了，沒想到已經半年沒有面試的我，居然可以成功的拿到這份offer。

於是，2022年8月21日，在家人的祝福下，我啟程飛往了這個南方的小紅點，開啟了人生的另一段新篇章。

或許是這種不再執著，不再想要控制一切的心態，放下一切對未知的恐懼，不再試著抗拒，接受當下所發生的一切事情或感受，把自己看待每件事情的角度，由負轉正，順著生命的流動，這樣的臣服 (surrender)，讓宇宙有了最好的安排。

未知的事物總讓人覺得恐懼，無法預測下一步也讓人沒有安全感，但退萬步言，這樣的臣服，或許也是一種選擇，一種選擇擁抱各種可能性的抉擇——「不要抗拒所有的可能性」、「不要用大腦或過去的經驗，去認定所謂的『真實』」，這些難受或痛苦，只會是短暫的過程 (雖然我明白，身在其中的你我，會覺得漫長的讓人難以忍受，像這段經歷，我蟄伏了近三年的時間)，要相信痛苦之後，最終又會回復到平靜 (然後苦難又會再次到來，我們將反覆重複這樣的過程，直到離開世界的那一天。所以這就是為什麼，學會穩定定自己的心緒，很重要)。

人事若已盡，就放手活在當下吧。

每天最重要的事，就是要把今天的自己過好。

願我們都能好好享受人生的這段旅程。

P.S.

近三年之後，我才再次與當時的對象在新加坡重新聚首，當然三年的時間，長的足以使人事全非。不過在現在的我看來，覺得真是萬幸，沒有繼續浪費時間在不對的人身上。神奇的是，當時我曾數度至廟裡擲筊，詢問是否該飛來新加坡找他，而我從來沒有得到過任何一個來自神明的聖杯。

來到新加坡的這個決定，不為任何人，只為我自己。

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In August 2022, I left behind everything familiar in Taiwan and moved to Singapore to begin anew.

Relocating to Singapore began as nothing more than a vague notion. As I approached the completion of my master’s degree, I pondered my next step after leaving the UK and briefly considered Singapore as a place with promising potential for future development. However, I never truly believed it would one day become a reality. After returning to Taiwan and working for a while, I once again found myself at a crossroads in my career. It was then that Singapore resurfaced in my thoughts. Beyond the serious and practical reasons, there was, in fact, a more profound driving force behind this decision—love.

At that time, I was in a long-distance relationship between Taiwan and Singapore. However, at the start of 2020, Covid-19 began to ravage the world. Singapore, a nation highly dependent on international talent and tourism, suffered severely due to the border closures. With rising unemployment rates among locals, the government chose to freeze the issuance of work visas for foreign workers. Despite my relentless efforts to secure a job in Singapore, all I received were silent rejections and letters of refusal. Meanwhile, the relationship I was so desperately trying to preserve slowly faded in the face of endless, hopeless waiting.

I felt incredibly trapped. My career seemed to be stagnating in Taiwan with no foreseeable future (opportunities in my industry were scarce), and on the emotional front, the seemingly never-ending border closures made the prospect of reuniting with my partner feel like a distant dream. Every daily pandemic briefing brought a rollercoaster of anticipation and disappointment. I was stuck in a phase where neither my career nor my love life was thriving. The uncertainty and fear surrounding the pandemic only added to the overwhelming negativity that engulfed me, leaving me feeling as though my life was trapped in a dark, inescapable tunnel.

During this time, I even joined a support group called “Love is Not Tourism,” a community of Taiwanese and their long-distance partners from various countries. The group’s main plea was to convey that love is not mere tourism, urging the government to follow the examples of Western countries by opening partner visas to alleviate the suffering of those in cross-border relationships. However, I eventually left the group because every time the pandemic briefings announced continued border closures, the collective negative energy within the group was overwhelming. At one point, I even harboured the absurd thought that if I remained single for life, it would be because the country had robbed me of my happiness. Looking back now, I realise how consumed I was by negativity—I was practically an extremely grumpy woman.

After much longing, in 2021, the borders finally reopened for citizens to travel abroad, though a two-week quarantine at a designated hotel was required upon return. I saved up for the trip and quarantine expenses, planning to fly to Singapore during the Chinese New Year holiday for a long-awaited, emotional reunion. Little did I know, after two years of separation, the relationship had essentially faded away. Disappointed, I decided to use the money I had saved to enrol in the RYT200 yoga teacher training, something I had longed to do. Within two days, I signed up for Ashish’s training course, spending over USD$3,000 without hesitation (the way Ashish’s course appeared in my life was quite extraordinary, but I’ll save that story for another time).

Around the same period, I experienced a particularly disheartening job interview, which convinced me that securing a job in Singapore was impossible. No matter how hard I tried, my English was simply inadequate. Faced with unprepared questions, as a non-native speaker, I was bound to falter. The interview shattered my confidence, and I abandoned the idea of working in Singapore.

With my body and mind exhausted, I began my RYT200 teacher training.

I still remember when Ashish was teaching yoga philosophy, he said, “Yoga is about learning to control your emotions. Desire and dissatisfaction, among other attachments, are the root causes of suffering. When we long for something and cannot obtain it, we become angry and resentful. Only by learning to let go of attachments and focusing on what we can control can we find inner peace and calmly face the unpredictability of life.”

Upon hearing these words, my eyes immediately filled with tears, and if I hadn’t strived to hold them back, I would have wept uncontrollably on the spot.

At that time, I was desperately trying to cling to the relationship, yearning for an immediate job opportunity in Singapore, and wanting to leave my current job in Taiwan as soon as possible. But such intense obsession, coupled with repeated failures, plunged me into deep suffering. My mind was shrouded in negativity, and I wondered why my world alone was in chaos. It wasn’t until I heard Ashish’s teachings that a light finally broke through my despair. I felt as though I had found the root cause and an exit for my suffering, and I began to approach life with a completely different mindset and attitude.

The two-month, 200-hour training flew by in the blink of an eye. I felt as though I had rediscovered myself, once again focusing on the things I loved, joyfully engaging in my daily yoga practice, and even starting my journey as a yoga teacher. I felt softer, no longer prone to the irritability and anger I had previously experienced. The transformation was so profound that even my friends noticed the change, remarking that I seemed to have emerged from the training as a completely different person—radiant, unlike the unbalanced version of myself from before.

After a period of happiness and total immersion in yoga, in May 2022, I suddenly received a message on WhatsApp from an unknown number. It was from a headhunter in Singapore, asking if I was still interested in working there.

At the time, I thought it must be a scam. After the demoralising interview at the end of last year, I had stopped visiting job sites to actively apply for positions in Singapore. How could someone be offering me a job opportunity after all this time? Moreover, I had just contracted Covid-19, and feeling unwell, I initially responded to the headhunter’s messages only sporadically. But to my surprise, I successfully passed three rounds of interviews and received an offer. Despite having faced countless failures before, I had always given my best in every opportunity. Little did I expect that after half a year without any interviews, I would succeed in securing this offer.

Thus, on 21st August 2022, with the blessings of my family, I set off to this small southern red dot, embarking on a new chapter of my life.

Perhaps it was this newfound attitude of letting go, of no longer trying to control everything, of releasing fear of the unknown and embracing whatever came my way, that led to the universe arranging things in the best possible way.

The unknown always brings fear, and the inability to predict the next step breeds insecurity. But in the grand scheme of things, this act of surrender might also be a choice—a choice to embrace all possibilities. “Do not resist all possibilities. Do not use your mind or past experiences to define what is ‘real.'” The discomfort and pain will only be temporary (although I understand that while in the midst of it, it can feel unbearably long—like my three-year ordeal). We must believe that after the pain, peace will eventually return (and then the cycle of suffering will resume until the day we leave this world. This is why learning to stabilise our emotions is so important).

Once you’ve done all you can, just let go and live in the present.

The most important thing each day is to live well in the present moment.

May we all enjoy this journey of life.

P.S.

Nearly three years later, I reunited with my former partner in Singapore. Of course, three years is a long time, enough to change everything profoundly. Looking back now, I feel incredibly fortunate not to have wasted time on the wrong person. Interestingly, I had consulted the divinities at the temple multiple times, asking whether I should fly to Singapore to find him, but I never received any divine affirmation through the moon blocks casting.

The decision to move to Singapore was made not for anyone else, but solely for myself.